The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
