I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
