you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
