i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
