I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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