The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
