when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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