please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You made out with two different species that night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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