im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
