My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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