I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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