I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
