I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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