were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
