party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
