i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
