I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
