I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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