Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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