the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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