Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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