just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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