the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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