Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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