you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
