I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
