Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
