In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
