Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
