I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
