Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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