And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
