did you get engaged???
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize