Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it was like his penis was on wheels.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
