He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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