I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
