So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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