I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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