omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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