so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
