Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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