I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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