i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
