Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
