Someone shit on the floor
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We need to rekindle our bromance
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
