Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize