Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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