someone get that fucking seahorse.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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