Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
