y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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