I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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