The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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