This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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