jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
