were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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