i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
