I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
