Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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