I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
