meet me or not, i'm out of control
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
