he thought i was a dude.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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