So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
