I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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