well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
