So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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