Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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