Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
