Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
