white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
