you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just invented taco cereal.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
