Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
smell my finger.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
