I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
